Of bespoke suits… and 40" waistlines!

Today I had the strangest experience of my life – I was offered a pair of trousers made bespoke after I did a really good job for someone totally transforming his shop with absolutely no repainting just by changing a few lights, changing the fluorescent tubes, and fitting a few choice positioned halogens. He was overwhelmed how much cleaner it looked and we struck a deal – he would make me a pair of trousers and a waistcoat.

Well today I went to get measured. Some of my measurements struck me as a little bizarre, but like he told me – most people apparently buy trousers with a waist that is 2 to 4″ TOO SMALL and then wear them under their belly.

Yes I’m a 40″ waist! – REALLY! – no shit. I always felt comfortable in 38’s and occasionally 36’s, although more usually the former. God it’s depressing to think that!

The choice of material? – Moleskin. I know it sounds a little strange, but the guy in there has the same combination (which he wore one of the days) – no jacket, just trousers and waistcoat and it looked really cool and very classy. Has to be done (plus the original fabric I picked was a little over budget – he said I could have an A, B or C band fabric free or pay extra for a D, E, F or G – I picked a G!)

On my way home on the pauper wagon I was rather disgusted by two young girls sat at the front of the bus, feet up on the seats, listening to awful tinny music on a mobile phone. The music was full volume, the bus downstairs was packed and the upstairs was getting full. At the new leisure centre a young mother got on the bus with a toddler, came upstairs and sat down. At which point the young girl’s music started reverberating with words such as Bitch, W**ker and F**king.

I said something that playing obscene music wasn’t acceptable on a bus with small children on it. I got a gormless look, but they did actually comply!. They got off at Parkgate Retail World.

What did I get for this? – Bugger all. Isn’t it amazing how no-one will stand up for themselves any more in the face of these sort of people, and when someone does stand up for themselves they get no reward… apart from perhaps not having to listen to awful music on a mobile phone where the low cut off of the speaker must be in excess of 400Hz.

6 thoughts on “Of bespoke suits… and 40" waistlines!

  1. Reminds me of an anecdote that Peter Sellars used to tell… he said that he once went into a tailors and asked for a pair of “off the peg” trousers. When shown a pair, he would start pulling the legs apart sharply, saying he wanted a <>“good, strong pair”<>.

    After some tugging, he’d purposely pull so hard as to tear the legs apart, leaving two separate pieces of material, at which point Spike Milligan (who’d been watching through the window at a discreet distance) would come in “dressed” as a man with only one leg on crutches, and saying <>“Oh, those are just what I’m looking for!”<>😉

    I used to weigh 21 atone, and could never find trousers to fit either.

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  2. Reminds me of an anecdote that Peter Sellars used to tell… he said that he once went into a tailors and asked for a pair of \”off the peg\” trousers. When shown a pair, he would start pulling the legs apart sharply, saying he wanted a \”good, strong pair\”.After some tugging, he\’d purposely pull so hard as to tear the legs apart, leaving two separate pieces of material, at which point Spike Milligan (who\’d been watching through the window at a discreet distance) would come in \”dressed\” as a man with only one leg on crutches, and saying \”Oh, those are just what I\’m looking for!\”;-)I used to weigh 21 atone, and could never find trousers to fit either.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    I have some cool classical and some Pink Floyd on mine. The other day, when I was subjected to a tinny rendition of somehing that sounded the same as almost everything else in the Hit Parade ( Old Geek Speak) I said ” Now it is my turn!”, and gave them the Four Seasons, Right between the eyes! The bus driver was almost wetting himself as they got off, and they said nothing, possibly stunned,because someone of such senior years could even operate one of the things!
    I rule, chavs drool!

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  4. Anonymous says:

    I have some cool classical and some Pink Floyd on mine. The other day, when I was subjected to a tinny rendition of somehing that sounded the same as almost everything else in the Hit Parade ( Old Geek Speak) I said \” Now it is my turn!\”, and gave them the Four Seasons, Right between the eyes! The bus driver was almost wetting himself as they got off, and they said nothing, possibly stunned,because someone of such senior years could even operate one of the things! I rule, chavs drool!

    Like

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